Unknown, unnamed.......who am i? The eternal question

I have been back now for 5 months, and its been a struggle inside to accept being back in the UK. I closed down my place in Nottingham and had intended to be in Dubai but the economic climate there persuaded me to stay in the UK, so I relocated to London, where I had grown up.

My heart is yearning to be in an environment that allows it to grow and where love is the norm not the exception. Where the spirit is considered more than the material man, who is making ends meet. I have been torn to say the least. Still I am not sure where the road will lead, except that I must seek an environment which allows my heart the space to evolve!!

I will be seeking a base in India for sure, I am not sure where exactly, somewhere I can eveolve spiritually.

Arriving at this realisation had put me in some turmoil with myself. I have many responsibilities in the UK which I still need to relinquish, to free myself to accomplish this choice, so i will be here still for some time and i will also have a base in india which allows my spiritual being to evolve.

I also know that the spiritual journey is not in a location but is in oneself. My love for the god in each one of us can no longer be locked away, I wish to access the depth of this love and feel unable to do that here in the UK. India offers the sanctuary of knowledge that men seek to realise themselves as god and not only to pursue materialistic goals, although it offers that also. There are role models of spiritual seekers there who allow the gift of love as the basis of human creation to be realised as the goal of man.

My tears and my longing to know who i am can no longer be curtailed.

If I trusted before, then I must now trust on an even bigger scale.

I tried to come back, put my self on that corporate path, by at least wearing the 'respectable uniform' only to find the old traits returning. I Can no longer keep deceiving my innate purpose.

I put myself through a bootcamp leadership program, only to realise that without a heart there its just a bigger ego thats banded around as a different disguise. The layers of the onion were peeled away to reveal to me that my heart had indeed opened and it could be not closed again and in fact desperately my heart was seeking to be opened more.

So I am writing this with what aim?

Suffice it to say simply, that I love god, and wish to know more. I must look to find the door that opens this part of myself and this is a new journey for me.

with love

shakti shira